Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i now understand why vodka
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
