you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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