How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
