when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
