Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
