I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
