why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
