Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
