Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
