Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Everything about him screamed your future.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
try to milk me bitch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize