from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
