Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
