Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
