Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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