Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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