speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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