she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
