i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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