I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Terrible idea I love it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
