Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
