no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
