its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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