Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
