At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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