nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
