Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
