theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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