you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize