: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
