ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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