How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
