everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
