i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
