ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
