I could make wine with my vomit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize