By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize