conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
did i walk over a car last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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