so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I love you. Go after that dick
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
