You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
