if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize