New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
