i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
