Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
