I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
