my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
