And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
where are my eyebrows?
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