I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
