know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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