Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
