Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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