Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want to be your penis for a week.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
