I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
