I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is Oprah even human
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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