ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
