Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
