my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was born a porn star she said
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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