Plan B is the new Plan A
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
