i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
