and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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