it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
