So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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