how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
