I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize