i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
two words: eviction party
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
