Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
